HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
