Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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