it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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