I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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