PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
