You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize