Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize