i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
