Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
