y did u give ur computer a hand job?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
