and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
