you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
