Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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