Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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