he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
