she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize