Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
