I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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