There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
