So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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