Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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