Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
