I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
