Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
