Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
