I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
