Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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