I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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