everyone is single if you try hard enough
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
