I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
