Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
