I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
