garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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