No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
