Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
