the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
