Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
