i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
