Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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