so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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