woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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