So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
