my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
ttyl tear gas
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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