Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
are you so shy because you have an std?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
