we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
