dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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