Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
