Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
