it hurts more in the daytime
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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