oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
