Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize