it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
