Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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