I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
