If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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