i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
