Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
