He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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