This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it's like iHOP with fire
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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