census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
