She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
