Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
