I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
