one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
