I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
