remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
