living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
